Saturday, July 11, 2009

One year

In August we will have been trying to have another baby for one year. This has been a struggle. When we were trying with Reagan I thought time was standing still, it seemed like everything was taking forever and I would NEVER get pregnant. With Lincoln it took 6 months, just like with Reagan. So, when it didn't happen so easily I knew something was up. But this time, I have had the joy of having 2 wonderful kids to fill my days and to pass the time. I still so desperately want to be pregnant again and to have another child.

This garage sale has me torn up inside. I can't sell the baby girl clothes because what if we have a girl and I can't sell the baby boy clothes for the same reason. And then there is all the baby equipment that one must have that I don't want to sell, again for the same reason.

But, but what if it doesn't happen at all. When do I let go of the baby clothes? When do I pass on the bouncy seat to a friend? Maybe that is the hangup, I need to fully give that to God, to be at peace and realize that we might not have anymore kids. That God's plan for me and for our family is two kids, and Ditka. That's hard to think about. Its already in His hands, it will or won't happen in His timing. But I believe it will happen in His timing, I just wish I knew when that was.

Thanks for listening.

5 comments:

Jen Roth said...

Hey Christy - thanks for your honesty. My heart is heavy with you for the journey you're on. It's unique, it's hard, and it's your life. Your hope in God is encouraging. Jeff's grandma used to always say, "God knows what you need." May He meet the desires of your heart!

Love you - Jen :)

p.s. Keep the baby stuff. There will be other chances to sell it when it's time.

Christy said...

Thank you Jen! Sometimes its hard to explain how it feels. My hope is in God, I have child-like faith and I do know God gives us the desires of our heart, and His timing is always better than mine. I strive to have the spirit and attitude of David.

Often when I'm frustrated and Reagan can tell, she will say,"Lets pray, Mom." And its amazing how a simple phrase from a 5 year old can change your whole perspective.

p.s. I only sold 1 dress, no other baby/kids clothes sold. And after the garage sale I told God that I heard him loud & clear.

Scott and Shana said...

I say keep your favorites and if He decides to bless you with another, you have your favorites and an excuse to get a little more... You never know... something may be planned that you can't see yet that will help you understand why things are the way they are. I love your kids.

On an unrelated note:
http://andothersillythings.blogspot.com/2009/07/polka-dot-quilt-tutorial.html


-Scott

Lori Vernon said...

Thanks for sharing. Will be praying for you!

Bex said...

Christy, thanks for sharing with refreshing honesty. That's one tough place to be in and it's hard to capture with words, I'm sure. I will be praying for you guys. And I agree with Jen, keep your baby stuff! :-)