I need to tell you that for the past year and a half I have been trying to earn favor with God and then maybe we would get pregnant. So every ministry opportunity that I was asked to participate in, I did. One of my spiritual gifts is service so this comes naturally to me, I did my jobs with a smile and a cheerful heart. But was thinking, I need to do more because obviously it wasn't enough because I wasn't pregnant.
I was wrong, not wrong in serving and using my gifts but wrong in thinking that I needed to earn God's love. I had God's love the whole time and I have been set free.
I feel lighter like my load has been lightened. Now, I'm not going to stop all the things that I have signed up to do. I will still have a smile on my face and a cheerful heart, but I will be doing these acts of service because that is what I do naturally. Our speaker this weekend said that her gift isn't amazing, that would be like saying "wow, that boat is amazing because its floats, but in reality isn't that what a boat was made to do?" I'm doing what God has designed me to do naturally because it glorifies God, not because I think then God will give me a baby.
I have more to say on this topic but I have a hard time organizing my thoughts and typing them out.
Okay a bit of exciting news. My Mom and I had to go by the Dr. office and learn how to give myself the injections and then go to the pharmacy to pick them up. I asked the pharmacist how much it would be before insurance and he said that insurance most likely would not cover the meds so I should be prepared to pay the estimate, which was $660. Mom and I went to lunch and when we came back to pick up the meds the pharmacist said he had good news. We didn't have to pay one penny for the meds, 100% covered, my jaw hit the floor and I praised God!! What a wonderful surprise!!
Last night I gave myself the first shot, which I totally psyched myself out for and when I finally gave myself the shot I was amazed that it didn't hurt at all......not at all!!
Next appointment is Thursday morning for an ultrasound and a blood draw.