Monday, April 22, 2013

Nervous, really nervous

Surgery is scheduled for June 10th, thats only 48 days away. I'm not ready for this surgery, I feel selfish for ruining our summer. Everything I've read said its going to hurt bad, really bad. I'm like any wife & mom, we run our home, we know how to run this ship in the middle of the night. But I'm learning that my independence will be gone and I will need to be dependent on others. This is very hard for me to even think about, I don't like asking for help and I hate complainers. Did I mention that full recovery is 6 months to 1 year!

God is forcing me to stop, he is slowing me down to a snails pace, and I can already feel he is preparing me for a work in my heart. I'm ready God, I will meet you there.

My bestie Mia claimed this verse for me and I have been clinging to it. Actually she just texted "cease striving", I had to look it up, and have been meditating on it ever since. We also had a big hit in our tax return and that is what we use to pay for the kids tuition. But we know that our kids should be at this school. I can't get a job because of my surgery, I can't do anything but heal after surgery and to cease and know that He is God.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God." (NKJV)
Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God." (NASB)

The Hebrew word that is translated "Cease striving" or "Be still" is 'Raphah.' What a great disposition for us to have toward God. The word means:

to sink down, to sink, drop, to relax, withdraw, idle, to let drop, abandon, refrain, forsake, to let go, to refrain, let alone, to be quiet, to show oneself slack. (this will be me this next year, not just physically but mentally as well)

So really I should be excited, I need to change the way I see this whole situation. I need to see it differently and with different eyes. God is arranging a meeting for me and Him and I'm going to meet him there and I will abandon myself to Him.

1 Peter 5:7 "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

Does anyone else feel a stirring in their heart from God?

1 comment:

At The Picket Fence said...

Praying for you and ready to help! :-)